I was debating with myself for a very long time whether I want to involve myself in this topic and write about it, but seeing how many affected people there are in the circle of my friends and acquaintances and how many more are flying like butterflies to a false light source as they go to this person, I feel responsible to speak up and so I cannot close this chapter without sharing my story. Since the story consists of 3 different sources of information, I want it to be very clear what is what, so in different fonts I will mark in the text that is 1) facts (i.e. things I have seen and these are conversations that took place on the physical plane, etc.), 2) spiritual insights - visions , feelings, thoughts (of course, it can be subjective), 3) Stories retold by other people (that is, I really believe them, but I haven't seen it myself, plus there can be the aspect of some distortion via retelling of the story).
I first heard about Roger Bardales (spiritual name Mukanranko), also called Roche, from my husband. He participated in this person's ceremony and was very happy that this teacher shaman of the Peruvian Shipibo tradition works with Lithuanian students who already know the language well and can easily translate everything (therefore, communication is easier than with most of the other shamans of the Shipibo tradition that my husband met before, most of whom speak Spanish and Shipibo, and some only Shipibo). In addition, his students are nice people, so it would be really fun to communicate and learn together. Another way my husband was "seduced" was through ego: Roger told him, that he could sense that my husband was a really strong shaman, but he didn't have any backing and protections, spiritual crowns, robes and such. And of course, Roche could give all this power to him. My husband traveled to Peru for a shamanic diet with this shaman. While he was there he had several challenging Ayahuasca ceremonies where this shaman was able to pull him out of that difficult process. This "hooked" my husband even deeper. “What a strong shaman, what interesting powers”.
However, not everything was so beautiful there. Although he is drying his students financially (and, as we will see later, not only them), he invests that money not in improving the schools or living conditions for the students, but in luxury clothes, jewelry and drone-filmed music videos that no one listens to . Although the students are constantly agitating the participants of the ceremonies to donate money to the center, at least on the surface, they are the only ones responsible for managing the school that brings this shaman's income. And what he gets, he just keeps for himself. But this might be a subjective viewpoint. We all have our different priorities.
Another problematic point is that this shaman drinks alcohol. And it's such a problem that while my husband was on a shamanic diet, an Ayahuasca ceremony was scheduled for a specific day. It did not take place that day because the shaman was so drunk that he was unable to conduct the ceremony. I know that this is quite a common problem of shamans from South America, I know of quite a few such healers, although I myself did not participate in their ceremonies (apart from Roche). But from the experiences of the participants, I have heard that the energy of the alcohol drunk by the shaman is transmitted through Ayahuasca. You are drinking Ayahuasca, but you get drunk like from drinking alcohol. Some people see this as a good thing "well, here in the West we overemphasize diet, and they drink before the ceremony and everything is normal." Well, it's not normal. Alcohol is a substance that takes the spirit out of a person, whether you like it or not, if you consume such things, you accumulate a lot of heavy energy in yourself and then you really complicate the processes not only for yourself, but also for the people you should help. This is extremely irresponsible and unprofessional. Also, when another maestro of the Shipibo tribe was asked about the shaman drinking alcohol in such situations, he said that it greatly complicates and disturbs the energy of his students' diet and their ability to make contact with the plants.
After this diet, my husband invited me to meet this shaman and his students in a ceremony. To be honest, from the start I did not feel any calling for the Shipibo tradition, but, realizing that my husband wanted to spend a lot of his time learning with these people, I agreed to participate in the one-night ceremony. The ceremony itself was not anything special to me. I didn't get any impressive insights or anything. But at one point in the night, Roche came to me and my husband and while singing something, started touching and pressing my head with "sighing" sounds. After this process, his students came to us very happily excited and said "he has put a crown on you, this is a very great gift and honor". They promised to explain more about it next morning. For my husband this may have been a good experience because he had chosen Roche as his teacher, but for me this morning conversation caused a lot of unpleasant sensations. This was years ago, but the essential points are:
· Since your husband has decided to become a member of our family, you, as his wife, automatically have to follow this path with him. You must not interfere with him going on a diet with us. Also, diets will be expensive financially. You must support him, even if he will take all the money out of your house.
· Yesterday I gave you a very magical gift, a spiritual crown. This means that you are my student and I will now have a lifelong bond with you and watch over and protect you from a distance. It will also help you in your work with people. But this crown is fragile. You can't sit in the sun, you can't swim in the sea, and you can't do kambo treatment with it (I'll explain my insights later on why I think these things can't be done).
There were some more things I also didn't like. One of his students shared that we will have to give up our cats because Roche's students are not allowed to have them. Well, maybe not now, but when we seriously go down this road. I told my husband that if the time comes when he tells me to give up the cats, then he can move out. I also don't like the whole thing about women not being allowed to participate in ceremonies during menstruation, but that, unlike almost everything else, is at least a traditional thing in the Peruvian Shipibo tradition.
Once I was talking with one of his students personally and I shared that I do not resonate with Roche and the Shipibo path and my soul is calling me to travel to completely different places. Her answer was kind of like a joke, but left not a very pleasant aftertaste. She said "it's ok, you can roam a bit, but anyway everyone always comes back to us, because only our path is true."
After this "award" I left extremely confused. I felt very bad for a long time. To tell you the truth, I could feel something in my head, where he had placed that crown. There was a part of me that wanted to do anything to get rid of it. But there was another part that thought that maybe I don't understand anything here and I will lose some new spiritual powers (also manipulation through the ego - internal imprisonment). I was in such a state of confusion for a while until I went to see another healer from Peru, Papa Victor. I told one of his assistants about this confusion and she advised me to talk to him. He listened to me and said “everything is fine with Roche and his gifts. Your mind is confused, you can't accept gifts and your feelings are wrong in this case. Be grateful for these gifts." This had a twofold effect. I believed him, so I denied myself and my feelings for a long time and because I did not believe my feelings, I did not fully unravel the whole situation for another five years. I truly do feel that if I had allowed myself to feel my inner truth and trust my intuition and inner voice, I would have realized what was going on much faster. Well, in the end I'm grateful for that deep confusion that Papa Viktor put me in, because it did take a long time, but it taught me to trust my gut feeling far more than the words of any powerful and respected shaman when it comes to my situation. My intuition knows better.
At some point I once again was at the Roche ceremonies, I don't really remember what I experienced there. The only memory I have is that I was feeling a bit uncomfortable in that space and I saw a vision of a black puma laying down behind me and I just melted into her and she telepathically gave me the message that "everything is OK, I'm protecting you”.
I didn't get any magical insights, but I enjoyed the beautiful singing of Roche and his students. By the way, after this ceremony I really received one gift that helps me on my spiritual path. Because I saw and experienced that his students transform difficult energies through belching, somehow this skill "installed" naturally for me and now very often during spiritual events instead of having to vomit or just feel other people's or my own emotions or processes, things come out through belching... Maybe not very aesthetically pleasing, but quite effective.
A few years later I experienced a dark night of my soul where I actually went crazy. I was in a strong spiritual state where I experienced, heard, and saw spirit guides and demons at the same time. In mainstream psychology it's called psychosis. It was followed by a major depression and in about three months I managed to get out of everything and restore my condition little by little. It is interesting that in this state I felt very clearly that I must do everything to get rid of that crown. First I had kambo. As soon as I got out of depression, I immediately went to sunbathe and swim in the salty sea water.
After a few years, the news reached us that there is an opportunity to meet this shaman again. I no longer felt the resonance for his ceremonies at all. But because it was held in my husband's space, the ceremony was free for him and me. And another friend of mine, who was very enchanted by him at the time, when I shared that even though I could participate for free, I didn't really want to go, said to me "well, you really need to work on something, as something must be wrong with you: they offer you good things for free and you don't want to take them." So I went. By the way, since it was held in our space, we also invited our friends and customers to join us (of course, they paid full price). And with this ceremony many things came to light.
Same as with other ceremonies of his, I had this strange feeling that he was controlling the visions in his space. But this time I experienced it very vividly. Due to a personal reason, I had to spend about an hour in a different room so as soon as I drank the Ayahuasca, I went to another room. I think he didn't notice it (because these ceremonies take place in the dark). And while I was in the other room, Ayahuasca began to work very, very strongly. Even though I have a lot of experience, I got a little scared that I might need help soon. So I quickly walked back to the ceremony space and took my seat. And as soon as I sat down, I immediately lost about 70% of the Ayahuasca effects. I thought it was because of tobacco, which is used in these ceremonies in an absolutely immoderate and senseless manner, but that is a separate subject. And then his students started singing and the remaining 30% turned off. I was completely confused. When Roche started to sing on the second song I started to see some soft visions, but they didn't come in strongly even after drinking more Ayahuasca, I hardly felt the effects the whole night(and normally I am extremely sensitive), and there was also a strange feeling about the visions I saw. Like I couldn't fully trust them. As if they were not the voice of my soul, but somehow influenced by Roche's energy (they were about how I spend my time in Peru, while my husband is on a diet, and about pregnancy – both of these things did not happen). The other day I decided that the visions I have in this space are limited due to the effects of tobacco and also this is how my soul just shows me that this is not my direction and therefore does not give me the experience that I have with Ayahuasca during the ceremonies of other traditions. One time when Roche wasn't singing he turned to me and even though I didn't see the visions, at that moment it just really felt bad and as soon as I could grab the bucket I started throwing up (of course it's good to throw up during ceremonies and it's usually about clearing and letting go of some internal stuff, but for me it usually is very clear inside what is being released and in this case it was just the feeling that I was throwing up something from his field). Then at one point Roche came to sing for me personally. He sang for an unusually long time. I didn't see any visions at this time, I was just burping a lot. It was a weird sensation that made me question, whether I am burping because my energies are clearing or if I am actually clearing his energies. He sang for so long that I was getting bored, I laughed and internally I started to say "well, maybe it's enough?", which is also kind of nonsense, because normally as some shamans work with me personally, it's a great feeling of elation inside and a huge pleasure to be in that one-on-one meeting , and here I was just waiting for him to finish singing... After he finished, he asked "who is your spiritual teacher?". This question surprised me because I had not told him anything about it. But about a year ago, I asked myself this question about who I would like to learn from in the future. And the names of two people came up. I understood that Roche felt that he could not persuade me energetically to become his student, because inside I had already chosen another person (people) from whom I want to learn at this stage. After hearing the question, I felt resistance, confusion inside, for some reason I didn't want to say any names, but I also felt some stupid pressure, because when I didn't answer, I was questioned several more times by all his students sitting around. Finally, I said "An-drea". He also asked what country she was from. Again I didn't want to say anything but my husband answered for me. Then he sang some more and left. I had no more visions that night, but the next night I had one very vivid vision as soon as I had taken the medicine. I saw a black energy, like a snake traveling from Roche towards Andrea. I immediately disregarded this vision as a negative creation of my mind, but at the same time I decided to follow where it would lead, because immediately guilt and a feeling of responsibility arose for me "what if he can hurt her now – because of me?"... But when I went up to where Andrea's higher self is, in the Brazilian jungle, I saw her playing with the elements surrounded by Brazilian nature spirit Orishas in a completely different light energy. And I just saw that this dark energy cannot find her because it exists on a different plane – different vibrations – different worlds. She does not partake in these Peruvian shaman wars, so she cannot be affected by them in the astral planes. I will also mention that it was my husband's birthday at that time, so Roche sang all kinds of protections and gifts to him on the occasion of his birthday. That's how the ceremony ended without any special experiences for me. But after that, the interesting part started.
A few days after this ceremony, my husband received a call from Roche - he was asking for the phone numbers of several of our friends. These friends took Roche and all his students to a restaurant after the ceremony and let them stay in a luxurious villa. And for some reason Roche wanted to talk to them now. They talked. After a while, one of our friends calls us all worried. He says “Roche called me and said that at night he received information from his guides that he had to put a crown and all kinds of protection on me, because I am a very strong healer, so he did all that at night, but also that these gifts cost money.” Knowing Roche's penchant for money, we immediately ask “HOW MUCH?”. The answer still shocked us. 60,000 euros. More precisely, both of these friends has to pay 60,000 euros each, because they both received identical "blessings". Then our motivational work began. We said that they don't have to pay anything, they won't lose anything if they don't pay (here the "game" is based on the fact that if I gave something, I can also take something away, and it's not clear what that something is. It's even worse than some market in Egypt, where merchants put rubbish which you don't need at all into your hands and ask you to pay, because there isn't even an object to return). Especially since these friends didn't have such spare money. Roche, while assessing their wealth when they voluntarily shared what they had with him and his students, had miscalculated a little(or a lot). These friends agreed to talk with Roche about those things eye to eye - well, they wanted to learn more about these so called gifts, why such an amount was requested, etc. So these busy people agree on a meeting time. Roche was 3 hours late, showing absolute disrespect for other people's time... and when he did come, he arrived with a car full of bags of designer clothes. It is a very surreal situation when such money is being asked of these people and at the same time it is clearly shown to them how vainly that money will be spent. In the end, these friends didn't pay those outrageous amounts, but they paid about 10% of what this shaman asked. Which is still a lot of money anyway.
However, he did not miscalculate with everyone. That's why he had the money to buy those things. I know for sure that at around the same there were at least 2 people who paid 30'000 EUR each for similar blessings. I dare not guess how many other such situations were unknown to me.
Another financial situation that really pissed me off was with an artist friend of ours. That guy didn't even have his own home at that time and was staying with his friends. Let's remember that the ceremony I'm talking about already cost about 500 euros for all the people before all these rackets. That 500 euros is also a lot of money. Well, that friend who had already given almost the last money for the ceremony received “extra blessings”. And he obviously heard this whole context of how people were being extorted. And Roche's students said to him at that time "yes, you will also have to pay. A lot. But we'll keep you informed." That's what annoyed me so much, because in this way they dragged that person on his emotions for several weeks. “We'll knock you down, but later. And for now, you can live as if on needles." It would have been better to hear any amount, even such nonsense as 50'000, then after hearing that amount he could immediately say that it is crazy :D but while Roche didn't say any sum, this friend was kept in a stupid state of uncertainty. So, for several weeks we had to work as psychologists and lawyers for our friends so that they would not get too lost in these abnormal demands.
Just before Roche left, he invited his current and future students to dinner at a restaurant. At the end of the dinner, I decided that I could no longer remain silent and went to his interpreter-student and asked them to translate 2 questions. The first was "Why did you ask my teacher's name during the ceremony?" - this question was translated by his student. His response was "I wanted to connect you to that tradition more." This was not a very convincing answer to me, because how can you connect me with something you don't know anything about, well, but ok (honestly, after this complete cutting off of Roche from my life, I really got to work with Andrea lot more, but I wouldn't attribute this to him :D).
And then I asked a translator to translate my question about finances and that particular artist friend. “Why are you keeping him in such a stupid position, this is abnormal.” This question was no longer translated by his student translator. And they answered me with their (to my ears) nonsense that I have already heard a hundred times: "Roche is an extremely enlightened person, his brain works like a supercomputer and if he does something that seems to hurt, it is because it will be very useful for this person and it's a much-needed experience for him." You know, you can say that about anything, because there is truth in it in all situations in our life: all the shitty experiences make us grow up. But justifying someone's shitty behavior like that is extremely low and stupid. Also, the fact that she didn't translate my question told me a lot. It is unprofessional not to translate and not allow him to answer the conflicting question himself... Anyway, until this moment, this student was the hook for me, I used to think "well, if they are so pure, so beautiful and believe in him so much, then apparently I am wrong, judgmental or I don't understand something". Maybe it's good that this idealistic mask fell.
Then a few more weeks passed and my husband received a letter from one of his students "Hello, Roche is asking, when will you pay for the gifts you received during the ceremony? He also worked really long with your wife during the ceremony, which also costs extra." OMG, when my husband read this to me, I didn't know anymore to laugh or cry :D He came to our space on my husband's birthday, made so much work for us that after that we actually had to work as daily psychologists for our friends and then he dared to ask us to pay extra for some imaginary treatments that nobody felt or asked. By the way, at this time my husband was still thinking of going to him for a diet. Although it was already clear that he was running out of patience for all of these shenanigans... And of course I dissuaded him as much as I could from going to such a corrupt person...
And then came Ieva's situation. It turns out that many people knew about Roche's special initiations for his students with the "magic penis wand". We knew nothing of it until Ieva broke free from his charms and told us all, both privately and publicly. Then it began to arise not only that he sexually exploits his students by calling it spiritual initiations and gifts (incredibly, other students who have experienced this then actually recruit and convince the girls that Roche is trying to seduce at that time to accept this wonderful opportunity and gift). And not only students. It turns out that there was at least one case where a participant in one of the ceremonies was raped by him right in the hall after the ceremony (still under the influence of the plant and therefore unable to resist).
If you've been to a few Ayahuasca ceremonies, you might be thinking "well, but you don't lose your free will." And there is truth in that, because most of the time when a person is under the influence of plants, he is quite conscious. But I have personally experienced a state in which I was completely unable to express my will and at that point anyone could have taken me anywhere and done anything to me without me resisting. Because I know firsthand that such a state is possible, I know how dangerous any physical contact between people during ceremonies is. Because even if it seems that the other person does not resist and everything is fine, he may not really be in a state where he can really agree with something like that. About the fact that diets and abstinence from sex during ceremonies are also not in vain, I guess it is not even worth talking about... His students always emphasize that if you have sex within 2 weeks after the ceremony, everything that you cleansed and transformed during the ceremony will return and it will be very bad. But, apparently, this information is not valid for Roche's magic wand. Thank God, this situation was already the last point for my husband and he managed to find a teacher of the Shipibo tradition for diet, who works normally. When this shaman was asked about such things, he replied that in the Shipibo tradition there are no such initiations through magic penis wands and all this is, is a manipulation used o naïve westerners. Because it is conveyed to them in such a way that Roche is so good that he shares this secret technique with you, the other Shipibo masters are too greedy and wouldn't tell you about this technique, and Roche even sacrifices himself because his powers are decreasing, as he transfers a lot of his power to his students with these wonderful ways. (By the way, in my personal opinion, if his powers are decreasing (and I absolutely believe that, because I was really more affected by his energy in previous ceremonies), it is only because he uses them for such nonsense that all astral helpers, ancestors, guides simply turn away from him and no longer want to assist. Because, at least in my experience, there are no great personal powers on the spiritual path. We are channels for energy. And if we start doing nonsense, it gets blocked.)
During that time while supporting Ieva, I felt some "spiritual attacks", but I just kept reminding myself that he is not stronger than me and the only way to let him hurt me is to give him that power by believing that he is stronger. I would sing songs, do Qigong, I would gather my energy and everything would become light and bright again.
The ending point in this story for me was about a year after that now legendary ceremony. This time we worked in the same space with Andrea and she did personal thetahealing session with someone who also had some contact with Roche. After the session, Andrea shared that it was the most difficult Thetahealing session of her life, because when she started sending the light energy, she felt a kind of spiritual attack, as if her stomach was churning and she almost passed out. After that, she felt strange for a while. She said she had never experienced anything similar before. I then shared my experiences and the vision about the black serpent and orishas: that the most important thing is not to give it more power and if you are in other vibrations, it will not reach you. But this made me understand that those people who had some kind of his blessings from Roche, can carry some part of his energy in their energy field. Like a Trojan that is waiting for an opportunity to activate (when there is some threat that that person will no longer want to be under its influence). So this ceremony I had the intention to discover such energy, if it is in me. As soon as the medicine started to work, I went to the toilet and went through the whole story of getting the "crown", and here the plants showed me that this is when he installed those energies. And why we shouldn’t do kambo? Because it cleanses all energy structures. Why we shouldn’t sit in the Sun? Because it is God's light, transforming, illuminating all darkness. Why shouldn’t we use salt water? - Because sea water with its’ waves is also the infinite purifying energy of the Goddess. I saw that it was good that I had done all these things. I also saw that it was very important that I was at the ceremony a year ago after which all the nonsense happened, because I was sort of an attentive observer who was there to keep a close eye on what was going on and then share some insights. That the fact that I was able to resist his energies so easily was thanks to my space, all the protections and my friendly spirit beings who completely protected and supported me. But I also saw that there was still a small remnant of that Roche program now discovered and so ripe to be let go. Well, to that, I said, "show up." And it was very interesting. I expected some kind of war, anger. It wasn't that. Hearts and butterflies appeared, beautiful things. The things I like. But so fake, so fake... I just watched those visions as if they were a show. I felt like when adults watch a play where children act very poorly. Well, that's a nice effort, but it doesn't create any real emotion. After watching the performance, I wished these energies farewell and let those energies return to the sender. It is interesting that they left calmly without kicking or screaming at all. That's how we said goodbye. And with this sharing, I put the final point in this relationship and stage of my life. Maybe this will be a warning to someone. Some of you might feel the call to study with this shaman. Maybe you will just get some useful insights for your everyday life. I just feel responsibility to share.
At the same time, if you feel the call to meet Ayahuasca in South America, from my experience with Brazilians and Peruvians, if you choose Peru, I encourage you to be very, very careful and to know very well the shaman with whom you decide to work first as a person: how he lives, how he treats those around him, is he a moral, good person?... Because in the Peruvian tradition, a person can be a strong shaman and a completely immoral person (like, for example, Western doctors: he can be a super professional surgeon, but on weekends he drinks and beats his wife). However, shamans of the Shipibo tradition can be the best helpers if you have serious physical problems. It's just very, very important to choose a shaman responsibly. If you decide to travel to Brazil, a very safe way to meet plants is in the ceremonies of Santo Daime (since there is no one guide, and all the people hold the space, the ceremony takes place in the light, so you definitely do not fall somewhere unsafe). Once you get to know the locals, you can also travel to the tribes there - in Brazil, the traditional way of working with plants is through joy, there are no shaman wars and sending dark energies, so it is easier to find suitable guides
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